I Paused Today

I didn’t need a walk in the woods, a weekend getaway, or a change of scenery.

I just needed to pause.

This morning, I was exercising (yes! Something I’ve started doing lately, and I’m ridiculously proud of myself – sorry, had to share). And somewhere between exercises, my mind wandered. I paused long enough to notice something I have been overlooking.

I started thinking about how much my girls have grown. How different they are from the little versions of themselves just a year ago. Their faces, their voices, their personalities, their silly little habits. So much has changed.

Then, a thought hit me.
Am I actually taking in who they are right now?
Or am I so busy planning the next meal, the next errand, the next thing on my never-ending list that I’m letting this version of them slip by without really noticing?

I already feel like I missed so much of their newborn days.
Not because I wasn’t there, but because I was in survival mode. Recovering, exhausted, trying to find my way as a new mother of twins.

I didn’t take nearly enough pictures of us together.
I was too weak, too pale, too frail, and honestly, I didn’t want to remember myself looking that way.
But you know what? Looking back, I wish I had. Not because I looked any different, but because that was part of our story too.

I can’t go back, but I can be here now.
I thought about their little faces just this morning, giggling together and having what I can only describe as a socks party.

I paused, and I thought, maybe it’s time I stopped worrying so much about the mess and started making some of it myself!

So the next time one of my girls grabs her little umbrella and runs excitedly towards the rain, I’m not going to worry about her getting soaked. Or the wet clothes. Or the million little things that could go wrong. I’m going to run with her.

When the heck did I stop standing in the rain?

When did I stop running outside when it snowed?
How did I become the person watching from the doorway, worrying about the mess instead of joining the fun?
That wasn’t me, and I sure don’t want my girls to grow up thinking that’s how life should be.

So the next time it rains, maybe we’ll all get soaked.
Maybe I’ll take a picture.
Maybe I’ll put my phone away and just be there.
Because one day, they’ll be older.
That little umbrella will be too small, and running in the rain with their mom might not sound quite as exciting. Oh, how I’d hate to realize I spent all those rainy days telling them to come inside.

Funny what a little pause can make you realize.

I started the day thinking about everything I needed to do, and ended up thinking about everything I didn’t want to miss.

We get so busy teaching our children to be careful that we forget they could teach us how to be carefree.